Get Fuzzy: The Autobuckography
by Cody Fox
Summary: Bucky tries to create yet another autobiography.
1. Chapter 1

Note: I do not own Getfuzzy, that's Darby Conley and FUZZCO

Chapter 1

Rob Wilco was tired. 14 hours typing numbers into a computer was enough to put anybody to sleep, not to mention piss them the heck off. He grabbed a "Pow" soda from the fridge and gravitated in the general direction of the TV. Bucky was sitting on the couch writing on a piece of paper. "Move your shag butt over, in want to catch the Si-" he broke off. The last time Bucky was writing was... "Bucky" Rob said slowly. "Are you writing another musical about your life?" "Uh, no, Pinky" Bucky replied. "It's an autobiography. Can you proofread the end fight scene? I'm still working on the part where I feast on a monkey." "Oh, Good Lord... alright, I'll read it." Rob picked up the manuscript which appeared to have chowder all over it. "Oh, yeah" Bucky said. "I dipped it in your chowder to make it smell good while I wrote. Happy reading, Pinky." "Bucky, Your handwriting is really terrible. I'll try as hard as I can."

The following is an excerpt from Bucky's autobiography:

It is me that is be kill yoo say handsome bucky cat oh bad is say feret that is evil fowl insayn filthy cheeting lying baby smacking beevr huging liberel medea

"Bucky" Rob said, peering over his glasses; "This ferret insult list is offensive to everyone from Spongebob Squarepants to Condoliza Rice! How the heck did you come up with this?" "Robbo, I watch the box with moving pictures. It tells me what I want to know."

Please review! If "Bucky language" is too hard to decipher, I'll change the font, or tone down the bad spelling.


	2. Chapter 2

"Yo, yo ,yo to the guy who gives me yummies" Bucky said to Rob. Rob was in the kitchen chewing on a bite of veggie loaf he had made. "Still eatin' the loser food, I see?" "Bucky" said Rob exasperatedly. "You're the main reason I try to be a vegetarian." "Why?" said Bucky. "I don't care if you're sittin' here, chewin' on animals who have proven themselves too weak and stupid to not be eaten. So, since you didn't tell me how awesome my manuscript was, I mailed it to some people." "Bucky, you don't know anybody, how could you... what were their names?" "They just called themselves "People", Robbo" Bucky said. "And their editing price wasn't cheap, I mean, $29.95 for a year of editing!" "Bucky..." Rob said slowly. "You mailed your warped cat autobiography to a women's magazine." "That's cool" said Bucky. "I dig the chicks." "They're just gonna send you a bunch of magazines and crap!" said Rob, finally losing his patience. "Playing craps?" asked Bucky, perking up. "I'm goin' to rock thier craps playing world." Rob chewed his veggie loaf angrily. He loved Bucky, he really did, but he could be pretty annoying sometimes. Well, maybe all the time. After a few minutes, Bucky came back, doing that spitting/hissing thing he does when he's angry. "Robert" he seethed. "THERE WERE NO CRAPS PLAYERS!" Now give me a de-boned jackalope before I _crap_ in your shoes!." "Bucky, we don't have jackalope around here, you can have veggie loaf if you're hungry." "No!" Bucky screamed. "I won't eat veg'ables! Oh, and I have another chapter for you to read." "Bucky, I'll do it if you don't leave a steaming surprise in my shoes." "Alright" said Bucky grudgingly.

The following is the first chapter of Bucky's autobiography.

One time was hansum bucky cat who hate ferets bad in paper was words that say Feret on the loose and hansum bucky cat say want stop feret so he went out of hous and eat fish wen dun hansum bucky cat go to feretland and see feret hansum bucky cat all kill ferets and say i hate ferets then hansum bucky cat see king bad fungo feret and fungo feret say kill yoo they were going to fight

Rob finished the "chapter" in a few seconds. "Bucky" he said. "This never happened to you." "So..." Bucky countered. "That means it's not an autobiography. If you ever get this published, you're gonna have to say this is fiction, Buck." This remark made Bucky insane, which resulted in an eighty-seven minute spew of gibberish while looking like he was about to hack up a hairball. Satchel came into the room. "Boy, that cheese was good! What's up with Bucky, Rob?" "Ah, he freaked out because I told him nothing in his "autobiography" ever happened to him. "You know" said Satchel over Bucky's screaming. "This mood isn't worse, it's just louder."


	3. Chapter 3

The _ratatat _of a machine gun firing burst into my eardrums. I reeled, slowly falling into nothingness. Rob mumbled something annoyed under his breath, put down the controller and turned of the system. "Hey, Pinky!" came a high-pitched voice from the kitchen. "I finished my script! Can your primitive mind fathom what this means? It means Bucky is going Wallyhood, baby! Well, after you proofread the last chapter." Rob gingerly took the latest installment in Bucky's movie script from his paws. It seemed to be covered in chowder. Again. "Bucky" said Rob. "I haven't even made chowder, how did you..., oh, I don't even want to know."

Hansum bucky cat take huge knife and kill bad king fungo feret and wen dun hansum bucky cat go back to houose were monky is waiting hansum bucky cat kill monky and eat monky hansum bucky cat say yummy and go to zoo and eat all monkys and eat evil chucky chimp and hansum bucky cat kill pinky and satchel and say happy and he say it is the end

"If you're wondering about the chowder" said Bucky. "I made some Miss Pret... I mean GANGSTA brand manly chowda! Yo, yo, yo! Hang on, let me get my pants."

"Stay out of my dresser!" Rob yelled after him. He heard some growling coming from his bedroom, followed by the sound of Bucky walking a few steps and then falling down. If Rob had had time to think of anything besides "Oh, dear Lord in Heaven", he would have been vaguely reminded of Maggie Simpson. Bucky came back wearing a pair of Rob's jeans, a backwards Red Sox hat and a Volkswagen hood ornament he had stolen from a Home Depot parking lot. "Yo, home slice, what up in da hizzlAHHHHH" Bucky went down, tripping over the telephone cord. "Mine is very good, how is your wittle hizzle?" asked Rob, putting on a fake sympathetic face. "Hizzle down" Bucky replied, pointing his paw upward before passing out.

When he came to, he saw Satchel's face peering concernedly into his eyes. Here are the three thoughts that went through Bucky's head.

1) OH DEAR LORD, GIANT HAMSTER WITH A HORMONE CONDITION!

2) What's for dinner?

3) Tuna

Thought number one was sent flying home into Bucky's vocal cords. "OH DEAR LORD, GIANT HAMSTER WITH A HORMONE CONDITION!"

"Buck, it's just me!" said Satchel. "We're going to the vet, Rob wants to see if your head's alright."

"Hizzle way down" said Bucky grumpily.


	4. Chapter 4

Hi, I'm just posting to say that I'm hanging up all my other ongoing fics to work on an Uncharted fic that's probably going to be really long. So, I won't post on this for a while.


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